Taken Out Of Your Character…

Taken Out Of Your Character…
I hate to allow people to take me out of my character because you allow them to have control over you that only you should have. Today, I had to deal with this very situation and at this moment I feel horrible because I know my wrongdoings, but was aware of her wrongdoings, as well. This woman threatened me for no reason because I was backing out of the gas station, under supervision of her husband with her car parked behind me in a inconvenient way. This woman chose to park behind me when another car was in front of me waiting for the pump. It was really uncaused for, I couldn’t believe that I was in this confrontation that I wasn’t really trying to be in. I didnt want to call this woman out of her name, because one, this woman was my elder and two I didnt want to go there with her. However, I was feeling conflicted because I really wanted to get out of my car and punch her ass but I knew all of this was wrong to begin with. Now, I have this really bad conscience because of my actions or lack thereof. The moral of the story, I should have not allowed her to take me out of character and I now know that I will not act on every word said to me because the stress is not worth it for me. I know that I am not one for drama and I can’t allow people to rouse me up, I have a weakness for allowing people to get to me in the worse way. Damn, my mind is clouded by this situation because of what could have taken place, I just chose to drive away and avoid the fight but I still argued with this ignorant woman. Learning to never allow myself to get out of character, picking and choosing my battles…That is what makes me a Grown Woman…

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Sometimes You Just Need Rest

Feelings of weariness doesn’t necessarily mean only your body feels tired, it could be that your mind and heart could be tired. There are so many things going on around and amongst us that it can take an emotional, spiritual, mental and physical toll on us. When this occurs we just need rest, we need to rest our mind and body too. However, sometimes resting your mind, benefits you more because we think resting our body is enough but the mind continues to be preoccupied with unwanted thoughts. How can you rest when the mind is on overload, thoughts continually racing and hour after hour is passing you by? Sometimes your mind needs rest and needs a moment of silence to just process life for what it is. Your mind can become so preoccupied with thoughts that you have wasted a whole night of sleep, finally waking up after an hr or two of sleep, feeling tired than when you layed down. There has been many of days when I was away at school and I just layed in my bed, staring at the ceiling with a million and one thoughts hitting me from every angle. My mind was weary, I needed rest physically,  mentally and spiritually but I was restless and super agitated I missed out on much needed rest. It is important to not allow these thoughts to consume you, you have to try and ease your mind the best way you know how. Pray, meditate, write, hell a glass of wine always works but seriously your body is not the only thing that gets tired and can shut down. The mind is a powerful thing that can make or break you, but the end result is up to you…

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To Know Not What Love Is…

What do you do when you know not what Love Is ? What you have known for many years does not feel right but feels familiar to the point you are blinded to what Love Is. Your afraid to feel Love, so you try to avoid it at all cost. Anytime you feel loved, you find away to mess it up, so that you don’t have to experience it. Your mind can’t accept that you should be loved, so you tell yourself this can’t be true, you convince yourself that something is wrong, this can’t be right. For so long you experienced what love is not, til you KNOW NOT WHAT LOVE IS…

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Feeling Stuck

Imagine being stuck on an elevator for hours, no way out, just waiting to be rescued. There’s no movement, your stagnant and all your mind does is race. You have thoughts about how long your going to be there, how much time your wasting, what you could be doing in that moment but none of that matters because your stuck at that moment and just waiting for a change…A Way Out. No one wants to feel stuck and trapped in one place, life is about growth and movement. That is why time moves and waits for no man…That is why the elderly hates to just sit in the house because fear of not being mobile. Funny thing is you can have periods in life where you feel stuck on the same level and nothing seems to be moving but time and you feel it’s passing you by. You start to feel frustration and feelings of worry because you are just waiting for a change, some way, some how. You start to get impatient and as a result you become ungrateful for where you are in life because you feel you should be there, but God said you should be here. I know i am struggling with this issue as we speak because I feel that I should have a better job, I should have this, I should have that but the reality is I’m going through this phase because we all have to go through and pass a course in life, so that we dont have to repeat it. It’s so hard to just accept being in a place where you don’t want to be, but you feel like you can’t move. You just freak out because you don’t know how long your going to be in that one place, while everything else around you is still moving….But the reality is you can’t be there for long.

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Taking advice…From The Wise

Topic of the Day…I am naturally a person who seeks advice and guidance, I try to take heed to everything I am told. However, all advice ain’t good advice, you have to decipher between the real and the bullshit. Sometimes, you may have to learn a lesson or two before you take advice from the unwise. It’s important to understand that everybody doesn’t have your best interest at heart, so the information given won’t always be to help you, but to hurt you. You have to sometimes ask yourself, is this the best advice for me or for them. It won’t always be an easy question to answer because the advisor could be a close friend or loved one and you might not feel comfortable questioning their motives. However, it’s reality, we live in a dog eat dog world, an every man for himself world, where it’s best to look out for self. Now, I would advise you to seek wisdom, you will know when you see wisdom because it doesn’t normally look like you. It’s usually someone who is older, someone who is been through some thangs(yea, no typo)but you will never know it by just looking at them, it’s all in their conversation, their words. Those are the people I seek advice from because they only want to share their story and help someone else. They know God, so they’re a living testimony…Their wisdom exceeds any information you can learn from any book….Now that’s wisdom that we all need. So I suggest you find you some WISDOM.

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Thoughts From Within….

As I drove home from class on Thursday, I put on my gospel music and my heart became heavy, literally, my stomach ached and I just felt, in that moment,  overwhelmed as my mind began to wonder. Mary Mary always seems to take me there, especially the song I Can’t  Give Up Now, even though I strongly consider but I can’t seem to do so. Plus, I think about how far I have come, the struggle is and always has been real. I thought about all the tragedy around me, my grandma’s death and the effect it has had on my family, my relationship issues, my guilt and inner conflict, just everything and the tears started to roll down my eyes and I had a heavy heart, which I could physically feel and an empty stomach. But I continued to press my way through traffic, tears and all, using my glasses to shield the tears and hurt. Life can be so overwhelming, sometimes we just need a moment to let out that bottled up hurt. We just need a moment to slow down our thoughts, even if the world around us is moving fast. The thing is this “moment” can take place no matter where you are or what you are doing. You can be in the middle of a conversation and break down because it’s so much on your heart and so much on your mind that it couldn’t remain in tact.

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Why Me…

Sometimes I have to sit back and think…Why Me? Not to question God’s plan for my life, but to question the pain I feel, the struggle I endure and the wounds that won’t seem to heal. My questioning seems to meet its peak when I am forced to see the lives of others around me with the ever so growing world of social media. A place where you can be who you want to be and not show who you really are. No one really has to know who you are because you have control over what you show the world. No one has to see the pain, if you don’t want them to, no one has to see the struggle, if you dont want them to. So you can portray this persona that you always wanted but wasn’t so attainable before Facebook. Even though you may be in conflict with who you are and the things you don’t like about self, no one ever has to know. Social media also has the ability to build and break confidence because again you question, why you didn’t get many likes when you posed that photo with your best pose and your best smile. You took a thousand selfies just to share the best one, well you thought. It’s like your self worth lies in the hands of others and a simple like button. You look around and say to yourself, why didn’t I get as many likes as her, you go into WHY ME mode. Why don’t I have a good job like her, why am I not on vacation, why don’t I have as many friends as her, Why, Why,Why…You can be in WHY ME mode so much that you forget to count your blessings, time passes you by and you become more and more unfocused on your goals and dreams focusing on the lives of others. However, the fact still remains that someone appears to have more than me and it doesn’t ease the pain knowing your peers “seem” to be exceeding from the look of a photo or stat, but then you have to remember, “YOU HAVE THE CONTROL TO SHOW WHATEVER YOU WANT THE WORLD TO SEE””. Its just that simple with social media, but we as humans complicate things when we start to compare and contrast, like and dislike our lives on a glimpse of others lives via social media. The reality is someone might look at your life and question, WHY ME…It’s important to know that everyone’s timing is different, some people’s time come sooner than others, but it is good to know your time is coming sooner than later.  There will be a time when you won’t have to pretend, you wont have to say a word because your glow will shine bright like a diamond….It will simply speak for itself.

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